Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i now understand why vodka
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
