The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
