lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize