i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
