The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
