wrigley field is MILF paradise
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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