I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
