we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
