I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
