the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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