I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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