so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
