Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
