the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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