More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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