nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize