yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
