You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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