i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found the puke drawer
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
