My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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