Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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