She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
