Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
