Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
