the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
