Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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