So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
