First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
