i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
