They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
