I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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