Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Boobs are out for the taking
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
