There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
