I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
