Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
