So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
