Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
