I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
