mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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