No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
