New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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