They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
