Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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