By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize