You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
