if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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