This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
