my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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