you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
