A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My life is pants optional.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
