my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
