you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
