It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
