Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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