I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
