just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
