my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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