Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
