hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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