you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
