yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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