Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wear drunk well.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
