Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize