Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
